Four Reasons Why Halloween: Resurrection is the Worst

There were seven sequels to the original Halloween, and none are more egregious, insulting or downright dumb as Halloween: Resurrection. The usual reasons given for this range from Laurie Strode being murdered in the first ten minutes, to the fact that the film has no reason to exist (save for some fast cash, and maybe the worst use of retcon in the history of space and time); and not to mention that the film looks like utter garbage, with muted tones and drab colors, acting as a study in blandness. But, if you look again (don’t worry, we did it for you), you can find four even more ways in which this movie is the absolute worst of the Halloween franchise.

As iconic as Michael Myers’s mask has proven to be over the decades, filmmakers throughout the Halloween series have strangely never used the same mask more than once. Granted, they all look similar, as they are different versions of the same basic idea. But, really, if you go through each film, all of the masks have been weird imitations of that first one. But Resurrection barely even tries! Michael’s mask here looks as though a mortician got ahold of it and used all of his or her talents, all of their skills to bring it back to its former life. Unfortunately, the finished product looks more like Michael was heading to the undead prom as opposed to anything remotely sinister. None of this is helped by the fact that the appearance of the mask was reportedly altered in post via CGI.

All post-Kevin Williamson verbosity and faux gen-X edginess, Halloween: Resurrection was released in 2002 but reads like it was written in 1997. First, the film provides a hollow attempt at what it surely fancies to be a brutal take down of reality TV culture. It does this while showing the “hi-tech” nature of this new thing called “the net.” Instead, though, it comes across as a painfully work-shopped stab at cultural relevance. When you add in all of the self aware, disposable college kids and precocious teenagers to the mix, you get a film with a slasher identity that has worn out its welcome before the first kill even occurs.
Literally, Everyone is a Moron

In fairness, this complaint can be lobbed at 99% of slasher films. But worth noting is that it’s especially noticeable in Halloween: Resurrection. There are the dumb-as-a-bag-of-hammers Reality TV show producers, who not only have the worst ideas of all time, but constantly assume that the other is staging heinous shit. Then there’s the group of dullards watching all of these murders online, while at a Halloween party, no less. They, again, inexplicably just assume that these gruesome murders are basically part of what would have to be the most elaborately staged, most useless prank ever pulled. And, finally, there’s Michael Myers himself, who, after decades of mayhem and terror, allows himself to be beaten up and bested by  Busta Rhymes.

I’m not here to cast aspersions upon the martial arts acumen of one Trevor Tahiem Smith (Busta Rhymes). Though, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that if he wasn’t going for Kung Pow: Enter the Fist levels of comedy hi-jinx in Halloween: Resurrection, he should look into a second career doing just that. After all, he uses just the right amount of  “Waaah!”s and “HiYa!”s to beat the ever loving shit out of noted rage zombie Michael Myers. That’s right, Busta’s formerly vapid reality TV producer inexplicably turns all Last Dragon in the final act of the film. As he pummels and electrocutes the heretofore unbeatable killer, he brilliantly provides the perfect idiotic cherry to place atop the film’s stupid-ass sundae.